If you or anyone you know wants to end a marriage
with minimal emotional damage to the family, I suggest serious
consideration of collaborative divorce. A simple explanation
of collaborative divorce is: “A highly structured process
in which to express and resolve conflict without going to court”.
Two of the web sites that have a more thorough explanation of
collaborative divorce and a list of local attorneys, mental
health professionals and financial professionals are www.collablawtexas.org
and www.Divorcenet.com . My intention is to give information
about what Texas collaborative professionals call “The
Texas Model” of collaborative divorce. Texas collaborative
professionals are dedicated and available to assist divorcing
couples to successfully restructure their lives, so as to minimize
the potential negative effects of divorce.
We are seeing more positive outcomes for families
with the “Texas Model”. This model uses a team approach
allowing divorcing couples to negotiate acceptable agreements
based on information that is freely exchanged between them without
going to court, while still having the benefit of their own
attorney (legal advocate). One beneficial provisions of “The
Texas Model” is the use of a neutral mental health professional,
who steps out of the therapist role and takes on the role of
a neutral facilitator. Another advantage of this model is the
use of a neutral financial professional, who helps the couple
understand their financial assets and liabilities, as well as
any tax advantages or disadvantages that may result from their
settlement options. Attorneys, neutral mental health professionals,
and neutral financial professionals are specially trained in
the collaborative team approach and strive to use their specific
knowledge and training to help the divorcing couple to reach
the best result considering their unique situation.
Divorcing couples and their children are affected
in three main ways: emotionally, financially, and legally. To
relieve these pressures an attorney, who advocates for each
spouse, teams up with the neutral professionals. The family
benefits not only from the skills and knowledge of each team
member, but also from the synergy of the team. In addition,
because financial and mental health professionals are neutral,
the mind-set goes from “his side” versus “her
side” to “us versus the problem”. The acronym
for TEAM (Together Everyone Achieves More) truly applies to
this model. A more detailed description of each team member’s
role helps us understand the benefit of the team approach.
Part of the role of the neutral facilitator, also
called divorce coach or communication specialist is to help
every one in the process communicate more effectively, help
manage the understandable emotions that come up during the divorce,
facilitate negotiations, and help with parenting plans when
needed. The neutral facilitator, trained to assist in managing
emotions helps the team move towards the goal of the best outcomes
for the family. This role is typically filled by a Licensed
Professional Counselor, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist,
or Licensed Master or Clinical Social Worker experienced with
children and families. Many of us who fill this role are also
trained as mediators. We bring our many years of training and
all our skills into a whole new role aimed at minimizing the
negative effects of divorce and helping the parties restructure
their lives in the best way possible.
The use of a neutral financial professional is also beneficial.
They help the couple understand their assets and debts and provide
them with such information as tax advantages or disadvantages
of various settlement options. They also assist the couple to
gather and organize financial information, prepare needed financial
documents, and assist in negotiation for financial outcomes
that meet the needs of both the husband and wife. This role
is often filled by a financial professional such as a CPA or
certified divorce financial analyst. The neutral professionals
are joined together with the traditional players, the attorneys,
to make up the entire team.
Collaborative divorce attorneys are transformed
from being “warriors” to being problems solvers.
While each of the attorneys acts as an advocate of their respective
client giving them legal information, they understand the importance
of working toward achieving both parties’ goals. Each
spouse usually meets individually with their own attorney between
the structured “joint” meetings with the whole team,
to discuss what they think is important at the time. The joint
meetings are usually about two hours in length and are structured
and agenda driven. The agenda is usually prepared and circulated
to the team and the parties before each meeting and helps to
keep everyone working in an efficient and productive manner.
Another tool used in this process is the minutes for each meeting.
The minutes includes such information as; what was discussed
and “action items” (those actions to be done by
each participant between meetings).
The “Texas Model” is used and promoted
by a growing number of divorce attorneys. If you are planning
on divorcing and want to consider a “Texas Model”
of collaborative divorce, information about collaborative divorce
and the team model can be found on the above mentioned web sites,
and there are many articles and books written on the subject.
After reading about collaborative divorce, I suggest interviewing
one or more family law attorneys specifically trained in the
interdisciplinary (team) model of collaborative divorce.
